


Almost Purgatory

by gingayellow



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 12:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7052602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingayellow/pseuds/gingayellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Godai almost misses his reunion with Ichijou [Godai/Ichijou, post-series, content warning for depression].</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Purgatory

**Author's Note:**

> Post-series, spoilers apply. For hc_bingo (prompts are "loss of voice," "purgatory," "invisible," and "unwanted transformation."

Title: Almost Purgatory  
Fandom: Kamen Rider Kuuga  
Characters/Pairing: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine, anything mentioned here by name isn't mine  
Warnings: Some mentionings of depression  
Notes: Post-series, spoilers apply. For hc_bingo (prompts are "loss of voice," "purgatory," "invisible," and "unwanted transformation."

At first, Godai wasn’t going to come back.

He still had nightmares. He still thought about the people he couldn’t save, and the people he could hurt, if he wasn’t careful. The plan had been to return to Japan only when he was truly happy (because after everything Ichijou had gone through, he didn’t deserve anything less). He wanted to be someone that Ichijou could rely on again, trust again.

But time passed, and he wasn’t happy. At all.

_And yet, here I am in Japan again._

Godai moved to his left so a small group of high schoolers could get to the campus on time. He wasn’t magically happy and cheerful again. But not every memory of Japan was a bad one. This was where he’d grown up with his sister, and met his favorite teacher. And this was where Ichijou lived.

Ichijou, who looked like he was going to faint from shock when Godai pretended to be him when he answered a phone call. Ichijou, who shook his head but when along with all his great ideas for Kuuga’s attack names.

Godai was beginning to understand that he wasn’t going to be the same person he was before Kuuga, but also that Ichijou had always accepted him as Kuuga. Godai had never regretted becoming Kuuga of course, but he had never wanted to turn into a monster—and Ichijou had always made him feel like a person, not a monster. So wanting to see Ichijou again was slowly beginning to win out against feeling like he was inhuman, so here he was, on a wintry day in Nagano, waiting to surprise him right before work.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets (he never really got cold anymore, but it was snowing, and it kept people from staring), deciding to soothe his nerves by thinking about what he and Ichijou could do together. He wasn’t planning to steal Ichijou away from his work, of course! But he could wait until his shift was done, and they could get coffee, or possibly explore what the local restaurants offered, or even just go home and let Ichijou rest up for the next day.

There he was.

Godai—just for now—hid in the morning crowd. He didn’t want to startle Ichijou when he… ran up to two young officers, chit chatting and smiling more than he’d ever smiled for Godai. And kept smiling, and talking, until they entered the building.

Godai tried to speak, but no sound came out.

So he settled for disappearing.

\--

He had handled the situation in the most childish way possible. Of course Ichijou was going to make new friends—Godai was thrilled that he had. This meant nothing. Ichijou would probably still be happy to see him.

(Except he wouldn’t, he was truly happy now, and all Godai had to offer were bad memories and always needing comfort, always needing to be reassured that he wasn’t a monster.)

Godai huffed, then took a sip of his now cold coffee. Maybe this had been a bad idea after all. If he was running off at the idea of Ichijou being happy without him, then he… well, he didn’t deserve to be with Ichijou. Not anymore.

It was time to leave. Godai stood up so he could leave the (empty, since the breakfast rush was gone) coffee shop.

_**“You get your butt back in that chair, Godai Yuusuke.”** _

“Um, okay.” Godai did as he was told as he took in Ichijou. He was flushed and breathing heavily, like he did after some of their longer jogs. But he’d only heard that tone in Ichijou’s voice when they were fighting Grongi.

“What were you thinking?! That you were invisible? That I wouldn’t notice you just a few meters away from me?” Or that you—” He stopped to collect himself. “That you ran away from me?”

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve—” He stopped again, this time taking a seat across from Godai. “Godai, just please explain to me what I did this morning that made you feel that you couldn’t be around me.”

He didn’t want to confess. He’d look foolish, and then Ichijou would realize how broken he really was. But Ichijou was also clearly upset, and he owed him an explanation. “I’m sorry. You just looked so happy.”

“No, I should be sorry.” To Godai’s surprise, Ichijou took his hand, and squeezed it. No hesitation. “I never meant to make you feel like that.”

“You didn’t!” Godai squeezed back. “It was all me. I’ve just been…” He didn’t want to talk about it, but Ichijou deserved to know. “I’ve been scared that I would mess things up again, or—”

“You were recovering.” Ichijou gazed at him levelly.

“I. Um. Ichijou-san, I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully recover.”

“I understand, and accept anything you have to do.” Again, there was no hesitation. “But please understand that I want to help anyway I can, and that I want to be with you.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. Which reminds me, I should probably explain why I seemed so happy this morning.”

“Ichijou-san, I was being foolish. You have every right to be happy! I’m sorry, and I should apologize to them as well—”

Ichijou held up a hand. “Kai and Mitsuko are new officers. They’ve only been working for six months, and they’re still adjusting to the job. I’ve been trying to help them get comfortable, but as you may have noticed, I’m not the most social person on the planet. So,” and he looked away, face red. “I’ve been trying to act how you would in such a situation.”

“…Really?”

“Really. Godai.” Ichijou reached out for a moment, his fingertips briefly outlining the right side of Godai’s face. “No one has inspired me, or touched me like you have.”

Godai actually felt himself smile at that. “Even though I ran away from you because I thought you didn’t like me anymore?”

Ichijou nodded, smiling a little himself. “Well, we have the day to ourselves, and I’m willing to wager that you’re not wanting to spend it shut up in this shop.”

“I do like exploring, but don’t you have work?”

“I took a sick day.”

“W-what?!”

“Like I said, you inspire me. Now, let’s leave this quasi-purgatory you’ve constructed for yourself. I want to spend my sudden day off with you.”


End file.
